Scared

I haven't written in awhile, so i thought i might update you a bit. I've been at camp all summer except for 2 weeks and a weekend. I didn't go to teen camp, and there was no room for volunteers at moms and tots. I learned sooooo much in lit2 and grew tons. I feel so much more confident or however you spell it. And though I've had an amazing summer, tonight is my last night here, and I am very scared. School starts the day after I get home, and I haven't even looked at my courses in it's original form that it was mailed to me in! I have to change my courses, register for piano lessons, and get mentally prepared for what is going to be a big year for me. I realize my group of friends is going to change a bit, and that my ways of thinking is different, and that I'm actually growing up! I looked at pictures of friends, or old friends this summer, and realized how much we've all changed. This year my classes really matter. This year basically everything counts. This year is the last year that I have until I have to start applying for scholarships and schools and all that jazz. I'm scared to make the wrong choice, or not even make a choice and be stuck. I want to do soo much, and yet, I'm afraid to. I don't want to isolate myself again. I like having fun with people. But I'm still afraid of having too much fun and abandoning all I'm trying to work for this year and next. I want to be the best I can be, without pushing what I am. Laidback. I don't like being so critical all the time. Oy. The cymbals feel as if they are about to crash. I'm gonna try and sleep through this tonight.

Praying