Smile Bright

So things are in full swing now. School's starting to get a little too comfortable, choir is talking about our christmas cd and concerts, in musical we've begun to learn our songs, and at home I've already started getting into odd moments when I just have the urge to clean the house. At the moment I am still eating pretty good, haven't really been sick, and have found decent, warm, clean clothes to wear to school everyday. And to top it off, I've been happy! I haven't been this happy in soo long. I can't believe what I've been missing out on. Relationships with friends seem to be figuring themselves out, one way or another. We're all getting pretty close, hanging out and talking outside of school and all. Grownin' up! It's soo cool. I picked up my bible yesterday, and read a few chapters, and was really intrigued. Just like I am when I find a good novel. I can't believe I'm turning 17 in a few months. My mind is trying to follow, and I think it's finally catching up to the realization of the proffesional and.. well, the decent way a 16, almost 17 year old holds themself, and the responsibilities.. believe it or not. It's the greatest feeling. Just wish I could realize this when I get up for school or ensemble in the mornings. Well, shopping tomorrow, so I should try to get some more homework done now.. I think my laundy's done too. YAY! ::Happy Thoughts::

Taracita

Behind the Facade

An overwhelming, tight, loud and strong comfortable feeling. It hits the roof, completeing the dome of sound resonating through the minds of every soul to free them from their weary days. Emotions rise to the surface as the band plays, and the 30 voices sound like hundreds of angels watching from the heavens above. Dancing begins, and pure joy comes in parcels of freedom and laughter. The fire has been lit.

A fire lights in her eyes as the lone pianist secretly writes a song. All that is before her lies a piano and its awaiting keys. This would be a good day. Her left hand strikes the powerful bass as the sweet melody soares above on the right. She escapes into her magical worlds and ponders no more. All her confusion begins to make sense, all her anger is washed away, and all her pain seizes to an understanding. The fingers leap off the keys and the worlds looks beautiful again.

Always the thought of wanting to do more, yet, too anxious is the body to carry it out. Failure seems to be the end result in many things but one. But when that one thing is on the bridge, deciding its direction, the mind is lost and is losing hope. Fire sparks the hope, and music always finds a way back. It acts as a tourniquet between uncontrollable fears, and pure, heartfelt life.

The curtain opens and the mask seems to sit right. Nobody can see past my disguise. Much seems to be known, though many paths we take aren't always as they seem. The mask begins to wear, but the shield still holds out of fear. Fear to be known, and fear to be sought. Though part of what may be a humble being has an illusion to be faced first. Slowly the shield comes down, and as the sun rises to make it day, so does the plans of the future.

The curtain burns to the ground as a fire lights the stage. What is to become of it? Everything it showed had been a recreation of a minds brilliance. It is an act upon which you hide you true identity. You act as you set your mind to act. Then once the make-up is off, and the night is done, she is vulnerable again and her eyes ignite.


I had to write a 5 paragraph composition for my first day of english class, about some of the highlights of my life. This is what I came up with.

Back to the Drawing Board

School has been in session for 4 days now. Classes have been in 3 days, and my courses have finally been finalized for a day. All this not including the fact that it is 1am the next morning. Just school so far has been okay. I'm a little concerned about what will happen when things begin when their day has arrived. I am as prepared as I have let myself become. I realized I've already begun to slack a bit. It's at those moments in time when I ask what's wrong with me and hear no reply. I keep zoning out and losing focus. There doesn't seem to be anything to focus right on. I'm already so tired, and not eating right. Will I have been driven up the wall already by this time next month? By then, everything will have begun and be in full swing, and I will have the joy of getting away from all this at Youth Councils. I can't just run away for the rest of my life. There must be another way! Little things have greatly made my day today. But those little things have also come right back to bring it back down. When can this ride of confusion end its course?

Exhausted.

Scared

I haven't written in awhile, so i thought i might update you a bit. I've been at camp all summer except for 2 weeks and a weekend. I didn't go to teen camp, and there was no room for volunteers at moms and tots. I learned sooooo much in lit2 and grew tons. I feel so much more confident or however you spell it. And though I've had an amazing summer, tonight is my last night here, and I am very scared. School starts the day after I get home, and I haven't even looked at my courses in it's original form that it was mailed to me in! I have to change my courses, register for piano lessons, and get mentally prepared for what is going to be a big year for me. I realize my group of friends is going to change a bit, and that my ways of thinking is different, and that I'm actually growing up! I looked at pictures of friends, or old friends this summer, and realized how much we've all changed. This year my classes really matter. This year basically everything counts. This year is the last year that I have until I have to start applying for scholarships and schools and all that jazz. I'm scared to make the wrong choice, or not even make a choice and be stuck. I want to do soo much, and yet, I'm afraid to. I don't want to isolate myself again. I like having fun with people. But I'm still afraid of having too much fun and abandoning all I'm trying to work for this year and next. I want to be the best I can be, without pushing what I am. Laidback. I don't like being so critical all the time. Oy. The cymbals feel as if they are about to crash. I'm gonna try and sleep through this tonight.

Praying