Heavy Insecurities

Recently it seems like everyone is either having a baby or getting married. On the younger side of things, everyone is scared of marriage because of the divorce rate hanging around North America, and religion because of all the hypocrites and nobody seems to know exactly what they do or do not believe in. I've been thinking a lot of this lately so I decided to find out for myself what history and the bible says about marriage and divorce, and to also check out the differences of today's society and back then.


Let's start with marriage in Genesis 2:18-25 and Matthew 19:4-6

MARRIAGE was God's idea for two people to come together to fulfill a mission they could not accomplish on their own. God said, "It's not good for the Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion." Even though it is God's plan for two people to come together, the bible warns over and over not to stir up love prematurely in Songs of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4 where it says,

"Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready."

Age To Marry

Now, as many of you know, there were many arranged marriages back in the day, and girls were married at a young age, with the oldest daughter married out first, etc. Well here's how it went under Judaism. Under Judaism, boys could marry or make religious vows at 14 and girls at 12 and one day, both only with parental permission, which was required until both, boys and girls, were 21 years of age.

In the first century, there was a general rule that young people "of age" could arrange their own marriages. The Jewish rabbis set the minimum age for marriage at twelve years and one day for the girl, and thirteen years for the boy. Now, above I had said boys could marry or make religious vows at 14, not 13. I think this is to do with the fact that boys "become men" at 13, so I'm making the assumption that they can become engaged/betrothed at this age, but cannot marry until they are 14. A boy was most likely wed in this time by the time he was eighteen to twenty years of age.

In ancient times, marriages were usually arranged between the oldest male family members within the same group or family clan. This would guarantee the future existence of the overall group and preservation of culture and values. Girls were given in marriage when they were old enough to bear children, so shortly following puberty; boys married when they either received their inheritance or obtained their own resources. This meant he could take care of his new family and be man of his household without any doubt. It was also common for the groom to give a dowry, or purchase his wife from his future father-in-law. Or, in Jacob's case in Genesis 29:15-21, where he worked for seven years to get his bride. Boys were usually married between puberty and their latter teen years. Because of the big emphasis on family, especially the clan, newly-weds generally bore children within the year following marriage.

Betrothed

Now, to be betrothed to someone in that time was pretty much like being engaged nowadays, with a few differences of course. Once a young man chose who he should have as his bride, and she had agreed (is she was of age), a formal declaration of marital intent was made in the presence of two witnesses, kinda like our engagement parties. Once this had happened, they were considered betrothed. The betrothal period was fixed by law, so there was none of this "I've been engaged for 2 years!" or " We got engaged and married within the hour!" business.
For a maiden, the betrothal period was from ten months to a year; for a widow it was three months. From the time of her betrothal until the marriage actually took place, the woman was treated as if she was already married. The only way to get out of being betrothed was with divorce for a breach of faithfulness was thought of as adultery.

One Flesh

I love this excerpt from Ephesians 5:23-33 in the Message of the connection between a husband and wife.

^{22 -24}Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

^{25 -28}Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

This, to me, is what marriage should be, especially in these times of divorce and insecurity.



DIVORCE

Law of Moses

"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance."

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Jesus was questioned with the Law of Moses later in the New Testament:

One day the Pharisees were badgering him: "Is it legal for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?"

He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."

They shot back in rebuttal, "If that's so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?"

Jesus said, "Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God's original plan. I'm holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery."

Jesus' disciples objected, "If those are the terms of marriage, we're stuck. Why get married?"

But Jesus said, "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it."

Matthew 19:1-12

God of Israel

"I hate divorce," says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, "I hate the violent dismembering of the 'one flesh' of marriage." So watch yourselves. Don't let your guard down. Don't cheat.

Malachi 2:16

God does not condemn the filing of divorce, but condemns violating the marriage covenant so as to end the marriage. Otherwise why would Moses have his law? It is not up to us to judge if a divorce was for the right reasons, etc. That is between God and the husband and wife for we are not equipped to judge as God does.

But God told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

GOD'S LAW

When the Pharisees, a money-obsessed bunch, heard him say these things, they rolled their eyes, dismissing him as hopelessly out of touch. So Jesus spoke to them: "You are masters at making yourselves look good in front of others, but God knows what's behind the appearance.

What society sees and calls monumental,
God sees through and calls monstrous.
God's Law and the Prophets climaxed in John;
Now it's all kingdom of God—the glad news
and compelling invitation to every man and woman.
The sky will disintegrate and the earth dissolve
before a single letter of God's Law wears out.
Using the legalities of divorce
as a cover for lust is adultery;
Using the legalities of marriage
as a cover for lust is adultery.

Luke 16:18

I think Thomas M. Strouse summed up what I'm trying to say very well in his conclusion on his article in which I grabbed some of this information off of.

"The Bible is God's guide for mankind in general and especially for Christians. The Bible teaches that marriage is permanent and monogamous. The Bible teaches that divorce is only for the betrothal period prior to physical consummation. The Bible teaches that reconciliation, not divorce is the solution to marital difficulties, and that remarriage is only allowable when the marriage union has been broken by death. May Christians and mankind follow the Bible's guidance for strong family units by realizing marriage is for life and that the Lord God of Israel hates divorce (Mal. 2:16)."

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Where I got some goods from

The Bible, Marriage, and Divorce by Thomas M. Strouse

Marriage Ages in the Bible by Louis Rushmore
Divorce in Biblical Times Chapter 5
Biblical Womanhood

Have A Smile

To the one I love,

Have a smile from me today
You have given me yours,
yet many a time have I cast it away

Your smile has assured me everything will be okay
Even though my face does not always want to shout
"Hooray!"

When I am sad, you are patient
When I am stubborn, you stand by

When I am confused, you let me cry
You always dry my tears
Even if we both don't understand why

It trickles down my cheeks when I think I'm fine
I hate it when I have to lie
Just so I would have reasoning as to why I must cry

Your smile has turned my worst day to the best
From a pajama day to one where I get dressed

It makes me vulnerable in all my music
It's let you hear all my music

In order to be with you
I strive to do the best I can do
And when hope replaces strive
I hope to strive again and I know you do too

This is why I have a smile for you today
For you give me a smile everyday

I hope my smile can assure you everything will be okay
And that you don't cast it far away

I hope your face lights up in "Hooray!"
And I should not cast anymore of yours away

Love always,
Cutie

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Drifting

No shivers, drifting along with salty sea so calm and quiet, splashing in the small crevices of my ears. I am not cold as I lay looking up at the cloudy blue sky looking back at me. It is so bright, but not enough to have my eyes squint to see light.

My eyes grow heavy, my body ready to fall into a deep, silent, slumber.
I feel so numb. Silent worries whisper words I've heard before.
" Do I know the difference between right and wrong to be able to teach my future children?"
" Will I grow more weary than I do now?"

I am so tired.
I want a warm, light, sweet drink.
I want to put on some warm, comfortable, just out of the dryer pajamas.
I want to curl up in a cozy bed with big blankets and a comfy pillow.

Why is there so much fear and hatred in the world?
Where is my cozy cave where I can be safe without worries and doubts?
Where is my place of solace where my tears can run and I can be free?

Oh dark sweet night so far away
Come to me so I can sleep until another day.



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Pride Comes Only With Humility

Preposterous, patience, practice, perseverance, performance, pure pride.

I have been taking vocal lessons since about October or November this school year as a chance to sound less breathy, breathe properly (without gasping), sing louder, resonate more and to expand my knowledge in singing and the wonders of music.

From the beginning, I knew I would have to do some pretty silly things to get anywhere, this I had discovered from piano lessons, off and on from the more oblivious age of 6, hanging my arms like a gorilla. At one of my first vocal lessons, I had to make a brrrrr sound with my lips to "sing" a warm-up, like a child making bubbles in one of their first swimming lessons with part of their head in the water, or a little boy running around, playing with his toy car. I felt ridiculous, especially when I, a girl old enough to vote, was told to look in the huge mirror staring at me, on the other side of my teacher and brrrr!

I now brrrr at every lesson without giggling at myself, though, I haven't really looked in the mirror for that one lately. One of the weird things I still find funny is dealing with my tongue. I'm told almost every week that my tongue has a mind of its own and that I don't need it to sing, for which I know to be true. For some reason, I can't stop using my tongue to sing, so it gets in my way over and over again! Lately I've been sticking my tongue out and practicing my songs as a vocalise, which looking in a mirror yet again, looks like something no professional or high class vocalist would ever do or should remember doing.

I had troubles with some of my phrases because I was unable to keep my sternum up, especially with the higher notes floating around, so I was sent to the door. Now your probably thinking, "Why was she kicked out?! Is she not paying to learn?!" No worries friends! I was not kicked out! I was merely sent to use my arms to push against the door while singing, with my teacher pushed against my back as a resistance. With all my might, I made sure I did not collapse onto that door to show how weak my arms really were, and in turn forgot about what I usually had my body do when I sang. What a sound! Too bad I can't have something like those windows used at gas stations in the late evenings to prevent harm to the attendant behind the counter on stage to sing like that again for others. I felt so powerful with such a mighty sound! A conqueror! Queen of the castle with you as the dirty rascal!

So today, after about 6 months of 1 hour vocal lessons almost every week, I felt how I am supposed feel when singing without pushing against anything! My chest did not slowly collapse on me while singing a phrase, my rib cage stayed up with little effort, my shoulder blades barely moved, I released completely to get the next breathe with ease, and I didn't reach for the notes! It was the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced! The feeling is a little annoying at the same time though. To make it happen, I'm not supposed to do anything, yet my lower abs hurt and I feel so exhausted and hungry after! Well, I guess I should go exercise more. I will prevail!

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